Disarm your brain from sabotaging your dreams
How to win over your fears and limiting beliefs
Real change is hard. It is anything but a linear process.
You need to put in so much effort to make a small step ahead just to slip backward the next day.
Human nature makes change a big paradox, too. On one side, we want to change so badly. We know our reality is not working for us. Yet, we can’t seem to do anything about it. We seek excuses to rationalize why we are not following the craving of our soul.
The ugly truth is that our mind is a double-edged sword, and mostly, it acts to our detriment to protect us. It can sabotage our dreams to keep us safe from the discomfort and pain that comes from growth.
To change this dynamic, we need to learn how to outsmart our minds.
One of the biggest culprits to living our dream lives are deeply held limiting beliefs and fears. Sometimes they might be unconscious, but they have been there for a long time. It’s time to expose them to the light and see them for what they really are. Not scary monsters, but scared little animals that were once hurt and put up an emotional armor.
If you are still reading this, I bet you have already tried several ways of dealing with your limiting beliefs. Likely you have read about creating positive affirmations and how repetition works wonders. That might be true, but there is a catch. As long as you don't believe in your affirmations, they will not lead to action. They will be plain, mindless statements without a real impact on your life.
What if you could prime your brain to real change easier?
Let me show you what has helped me. It is not a one-fits-all solution, and it takes time and effort, but you have nothing to lose.
Step 1: Identify your fears and limiting beliefs
Most of us have an idea about what our limiting beliefs are. Very few dig deeper to see what is the real motivation behind them.
Self-help guides will tell you to ask yourself, “What is the worst that can happen if…e.g. you start writing?”
You might end up with things like:
“I will get ridiculed. I will fail. Nobody will want to read my thoughts.”
Simply realizing that is not enough. You have to go one (or couple) levels deeper.
Step 2: Question and deconstruct
I like to use the method of 3–5 WHYs and WHAT IFs. For every answer, continue asking until you hit something emotionally charged. Something that you are afraid to say out loud. Something that gives you a little hesitation and a feeling of being naked.
WHY are you afraid that you will get ridiculed?
“Because my writing might suck.”
WHY are you afraid of failing at writing?
“Because this is important for me. I really want to be a writer.”
WHAT IF you fail?
“If I fail at this, I fail at life. If I fail at something I love dearly, what else is there to pursue?”
Bingo. Now we are getting somewhere.
Step 3: Disempower
Flip this belief on its head using something else you deeply believe in and that you can find evidence for in your memory.
If you fear failure at something that really matters to you, ask yourself:
How did you deal with failures in the past? Is there something that you are proud of? Is there a bigger fear than the fear of failure?
The result might look like this:
“I am a constant learner.”
“One of my biggest fears is staying stuck at the same place.”
Step 4: Reframe using evidence and other beliefs
You can reframe your limiting belief in two ways.
Positive-induced reframing
Positive belief and proof: “I am a constant learner, and I became fluent in Spanish in 1 year.”
New reframed belief: “I will learn to write like a pro in 1 year if I focus. The same way I learned Spanish.”
You already did this once, and you will do it again. Your mind can’t fight the proof. Check-mate.
Reminder: Your new belief needs to be followed by consistent effort and action. Reframing acts as an aid — a way to move past fear and help you get started — not a miracle solution.
Fear-induced reframing
It might sound negative, but truth be told, fear and urgency are powerful tools to nudge us to act.
Fear: “My biggest fear is staying stuck in the same place.”
New reframed belief: “If I don’t put the effort in writing consistently today, I will stay stuck in the same place this time next year and in 5 years, too.”
Let that feeling sink in. Scary, right? More than hitting the publish button. It gives you a different perspective.
Try to use the same analogy for all the fears you can list. After identifying the fear, keep in mind this is only what you see on the surface. Ask WHY 3–5 times to cut to the core. Then find another belief and use it for reframing. Write your reframed beliefs down and keep them somewhere visible.
Designing the life of your dreams is not easy, but it is worth it.
You decide where you are going to be in the next 5 years. Make it a place where you can’t wait to get up and see the view.
